What you don’t know when you start down this hippity hoppity bippity boppity boo path is that once you skip your way through the valley of your own death, is that when you come back, precious, when you makes it through, that nothing is the same. Yes you look the same, on the outside. Well maybe not in the depth of your eyes, but who the hell even bothers to look in to another eyes these days, but well yes, you look the same charming self but the insides is another matter. Oh yes it is. Because everything has changed. Nothing is the same. Well some things are the same. You still like your toast buttered a certain way, and you still love your children with your very soul, and Marvel movies are still your favourite … but so much more has changed. You see the world differently now, through eyes wide shut you see the colours of a million rainbows and gosh it can hurt right down into your very soul some days. You see the people around you, you see them in their true colours and you begin to realise that you have are surrounded by … things that no longer mean anything to you …. but you mean so much to them and so the hardest part of this god forsaken journey begins again. You’ve got the foundation but hell you didn’t clear the gardens so now you gotta slowly weed out the plants that no longer go with the house, but you must be delicate, cause there are some beautiful plants in the garden, they just aren’t your kinda plant anymore, and really sugarpie you don’t wanna hurt them, just plant them way over there, in that field over yonder. The work is hard. It is uncomfortable. There has been a lot of that going on precious, a lot of un~comfortableness.
And you thought the hardest parts were over.
You thought it was the end.
You thought you got out.
There is no end, you never get out, it never gets easier, it just goes on and on and on.
It is, after all, the Great Work, is it not? It would not be great if it is was flipping’ easy! So here, take a mask, step back in line and keep your ass moving single file down the road you’ve carved out, cause this is what you signed up for, and deep down, you just know you want it to keep going, now, you don’t want it to ever end. It’s why you cry out to demons in your lust, why you carve sigils into every surface you can, why alters fill every room, it’s why you keep coming back to the common spaces, it’s why you never really walk away. You want it, you want the burn, and you never want it to stop. ~ mm
* * *
It was the fire. It didn’t burn. It didn’t even go close to burning. You shoulda listened to that little voice! You should have heeded the signs! You shoulda waited, had patience! But no, you just gotta go flat chat straight at it like a bull at a gate … the bloody rabbit just went on and on, all up on his little podium of power. But as much as she hated his words, he was right. She had ignored everything, and it had been costly, in more ways than one, and not just for her. For the love of the gods, when would she get it right, when would she just not fuck everything up in a continuous spiral of chaos? But, there are some omens that can not, will not be ignored. Whatever needed to be done here, was done. The fire has spoken. The next steps are exhausting, but in order to go forward, first, she must go back …